A thousand years ago, I was a child…a five-year-old child, sitting alone on my bed, in the dark.

I was hunched forward, staring at the floor.

And my tears were falling, falling, falling.

 

I remember being distraught, lost, confused. What was happening to me? What was wrong with me? Why was I crying?

 

I fought my tears. I told them to ‘Go away! ‘To leave me alone!’

 

I scrubbed my eyes with fingers screwed tight into fists.

But my fists did not work.

 

I wanted to disappear.

 

Soon, fresh tears fell, and more tears, a torrent of tears, a cascade of hot tears, falling, falling, falling.

 

I could not escape my despair, my sadness.

 

I told no one… of course I told no one.

I was terrified by what was happening to me, and of being discovered, and I was ashamed, and lost… and with anxiety soaring…

Tears fell…more tears fell…

 

I could not think in a straight line. My thoughts falling like spaghetti out of the sky.

 

I was afraid of being discovered, of being in the wrong, of being punished, told off for
‘Crying over nothing…’

 

Or being mocked, teased, ridiculed…and called names, names, cruel hurtful names…

 

And so it began, sadness, depression, despair…in waves…

 

Wave upon wave upon wave…

Year after year after year…

 

From a thousand years ago…until now

 

Until now.

Until now.

Until… now.